Halloween is kind of a “Get Out Of Whore Jail” card for girls. It’s the one night of the year where we can just let it all hang out. Literally.
Unless they live at the Playboy Mansion, and then I expect that’s every day or something.
Regardless, I’m kind of a lazy person and I’ve waited until the last minute to construct my costume. Granted, I also waited until the last minute to order a vital part of my costume (a corset. I was planning to be Wonder Woman.) and I’m too cheap to pay extra for speedy shipping. So if you’re like me (lazy and cheap), and you need a costume here are two options:
American Apparel Model: This is pretty simple. Go to American Apparel – there are three AA stores in Chicago, they’ve all essentially got the same stuff. Go and get some of the weirdest crap you can find. I’m talking thigh-high tube socks with sparkly gold high-waisted hot pants and an oddly colorblocked tunic. Pair this with some major sex-hair and the most disinterested look you can muster. It also helps if you stick out your stomach a little bit, and try to look as underage as possible
Frat Guy/Wrigleyville Douche: Put on a polo shirt. Pop the collar. Put on another polo shirt. Pop the collar. If you’re feeling ambitious, a third popped-collar polo is acceptable. Then, throw on some beat to hell cargo khaki shorts, or the most expensive pair of pre-faded, pre-ripped jeans you own. Purchase some interestingly colored wristbands, throw on your dirtiest baseball or trucker hat, and tuck a condom behind your ear. Voila! You can now blend in with the locals at the Wrigleyville Barleycorn!
I’m pretty sure AA has jester tights in, and not just come Halloween time! Who carries that all year round? Seriously. Don’t forget metallic leggings. LOTS of those.
Oh and when you choose the second, hit on every girl possible because SOMEONE has to give in and go home with you.
And if someone won’t AGREE to go home with you, just carry around some roofies. Problem solved.
hahaha noice