This is a post about birth control.
Too effing bad if you have a problem with that.
I’m on the patch. Technically, it’s called Ortho Evra. I like to refer to them as No-Baby Stickers. They sit on my ass and throw a truckload of hormones into my system, and I switch ‘em out once a week and so far they’ve been successful (it’s been 5 years).
And when I say a truckload of hormones, I mean a truck like the one pictured. Sometimes this is good – within 2 months of being on the stuff, I jumped from a B cup to a C cup. Currently I’m a D. In common phrasing, we call this “stacked.” And I tan faster than any other human being alive, because this stuff makes my skin all sensitive. And sometimes, this is not so good. When I first started I was prone to random bout of sobbing my face off for no reason whatsoever.
And sometimes (read: today), this turns me into a big pile of hormone and libido.
Which made Fancy’s sex-themed text messages all the more perfectly-timed.
Hahaha. I love you for being you. And you being stacked is just a bonus.
Dear Hormonal Birth Control,
You are mostly awesome. I heart you.
Love,
me
My favorite things are clear skin and (with the ring) the ability to mess with the start day of my period a bit.
I had to go on the shot birth control for when I was breastfeeding. The end result? I was a bitch that didn’t want sex EVER…needless to say I got off that ASAP!
I’ve only ever taken the pill but I’ve thought about switching to the patch. Less timing to worry about. Have you been happy with it (minus the truckload of hormones)?
Yeah I’m the pill but have never done the patch. That’s crazy that the pill made you stacked. It’s like puberty much later in life. I like the “no baby” stickers.
I seriously need to get back on some form of control. Probably will soonly.
I have to thank birth control for my boobs.
I have mixed feelings about the stickers. I feel like I fidget too much and I’d try to peel them off just because.
So far all my new pill has done is give me horrendous acne. Maybe I need to check this patch shit out.
Oh, and as for the sexy texting? I’m a big fan. So much so that my roommate recently made me a door sign that says “Caution: Sexting.”
I call mine anti-baby pills. And now I am mad at them for their lack of effects on my rack.
I just hope Fancy gets done and gets out of there before the random bouts of sobbing start happening.
NO FAIR!
The pill turns me into an ice princess with sore boobies, not bigger ones, and makes me super fat.
And oh, the crying and the homicides.
oh man! I’m so jealous. I never had the “stacked” side effect
if my birth control made my boobs grow anymore i would topple over.
Angela -
Awww I love ya right back. PS: you know the next blogger meetup is happening in Florida, so we can all come visit you, right?
Ultima Dea -
I feel the SAME WAY about the patch. Hooray patch!
Mom In Real Life -
Holy shit, really? Remind me to stay FAR THE FUCK AWAY from the shot.
Deutlich -
No babies are good babies.
Free & Flawed -
Sometimes I wonder if they’d go away if I just…stopped being on birth control.
Jenny -
Really? I forget mine’s there. Also, the fear of babies is infinitely greater than the desire to peel a sticker.
The phrase “no-baby stickers” made me snort coffee out of my nose. Priceless.
Kaeti -
Ew really? That would bother the crap out of me.
Sexy texting gets me through my workdays, haha.
Princess Pointful -
I think it’s because the patch has SO MUCH goddamned estrogen, that its users get all boobtacular.
Apollo Creed -
Psh, that shit hasn’t happened since I was 19. It’s all good.
Crissy -
Time for new no-baby drugs? Those homicides have got to be an issue after a while.
Cheryl -
Initially it’s a HUGE pain in the ass because you have to buy a whole new top-half wardrobe because NOTHING FITS your new huge rack.
Alexa -
Moreso than you already do? I kid, I kid, I HAD TO say it, it was RIGHT THERE.
Iris -
Not hot coffee, I hope? That would be so unpleasant, haha.
someday i will need birth control again. for now I guess i’ll save my money and just pretend to be a nun or something.
I love my birth control, until I turned 31 and it honestly made me go crazy. I was on the pill for 12 years, then all of a sudden my body couldn’t handle the hormomes anymore. I got crrrraaazzzyyyy and really emotional and depressed and just plain-ass psycho! I got off the pill and all became right in the world again.
I guess I have to starting thining about non-baby making things again, since apparently I have a boyfriend now. Don’t know how the heck that happened.
I definitel understand this, I just went off the pill for about three months? since, fuck, I wasnt having any sex and then BAM back on it ANDDDDDD just like that, I’m a giant sappy, emotional, biaaaatch.
Maxie -
I did that right after I graduated from college, since I was living at home, and not about to invite boys over to my parents’ house to bone.
P.O.M. -
Hahaa, you talk about getting a boyfriend the same way I talk about catching a head cold. “I don’t know how it happened but now it’s here and I need drugs!”
Chelsea -
Hooray hormones!